For better or worse, I thought I’d spend a moment ranting upon something petty in the garden that drives me absolutely insane, has done for years, and which will probably turn out to be a nothing burger with no bun for the majority of the population.
In fact I’m almost guaranteed to be branded selfish, unyielding, boring, and no fun at a party.
Here’s the gist of it: When it comes to choosing attire when garden visiting, would it be too much to ask of day-trippers to pick something that even slightly blends into the scenery?
Pretend you’re going to play paint ball if it helps.
I’m a garden photographer. At least I pretend to be each time I write a book or give a talk. Consequently, I take a lot of photographs of a lot of gardens. Though I’m often lucky to get private access, many times I’m just walking through them like everyone else, praying the light will work, and the wind will stop blowing, and I won’t run out of memory, or fail to focus correctly due to what passes for my eyesight these days.
And then, just as the stars align and the shot is there for the taking, someone ambles into frame – which, no problem, as hey, this is a garden and we’re all allowed to be there and I’m not a total narcissistic monster and sooner or later they’ll walk behind a shrub and disappear.
UNLESS THEY ARE SPORTING A BRIGHT YELLOW SLICKER AND EVEN BRIGHTER UMBRELLA.
Good for an Alaskan fishing barge, not so great for a garden.
Even if I’m not taking a picture it’s jarring. And it’s not as if I’m a total misanthrope. Staring at a gentle garden vista and watching two lovers walk by in the rain wearing forest green parkas with hands held under black umbrellas is romantic – I may even make it the focus of my composition.
Two lovers walking by in electric blue Northface garb with an umbrella that looks like it was last owned by Rodney Dangerfield during the filming of Caddy Shack will break my lens and pierce my heart.
The general public? Okay I get it. You probably got dragged to the garden by a relative and would rather be at Hershey Park. Where, coincidentally, you got that fetching poncho. How are you to know that you are literally offending mine eyes and ruining mine shot?
But garden writers? Gardeners? Come on guys. The very first time I remember being conscious of this embryonic (possibly imbecilic), pet peeve was at a Garden Writers’ Association tour in a small garden in the rain. A bus load of 50.
But I’m fast, and nimble, and managed to get a few shots in, until one of them picked the most charming and centrally located aspect of the garden and proceeded to sit down in the middle of it and bide her time discontentedly until the bus left, encased in an outfit that I can only presume doubled as a uniform in her side job as a school crossing guard.
Ever since then I’ve been curiously aware of how people love to stick out and wear their flair. Which is great at a party. Or a high-school reunion. Or TGI Friday’s. But not so great in a quiet, reflective, gorgeous natural space.
Unless of course you’re lost and being hunted for by a helicopter.
In short: Be boring. Meld with the colors around you. Seek ye not to outdo the landscape, BE the landscape. We’re gardeners. We work in green and brown. Green and brown are practically our school colors. So when choosing outdoor wear, how about a bit of school spirit?
And I’m totally fun at a party. Electric blue all the way. So there. – MW
Hi Marianne. As usual this made me laugh out loud. Totally concur as a garden photographer myself. Methinks would it be over the top to actually ban people wearing certain colors at the entrance to the garden? Or perhaps they could be given a green/brown cape of sorts to hide the offending garish garments 🙂 And yes I’m also a blue/purple gal at parties!
Vindication. Thanks Jude. – MW
“If thine right eye offend thee, pluck it out . . . ” OK, well, the biblical admonition does not even come close to being an apt literary reference here. But, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence to get a chance to whip out that quote. So, I took my shot.
In the meantime, if you’re feeling a bit cranky about others’ sartorial choices, you might consider an episode of “Gilmore Girls” and a pint of Pralines’n’Cream. Recommended.
No amount of ice cream can soothe the savage soul within me on this one John. But that’s what GardenRant is for – a good old fashioned Garden Rant. – MW
Back in my grade school days, boys had bright yellow raincoats with a a helmet looking hood that left a hole for your face. It had buckles. The big yellow boots had buckles. It was soo cool. I wanted it. But nooo. I had my sister’s hand me down pink princess line (I think) raincoat And no matching boots. If I could find that outfit now I’d wear it every time we had a good rain. Even to a garden open house. Sorry.
I remember loving those type of slickers as a girl and thus when I found one at a thrift store I snatched it up. During a downpour, it is very handy, and I am very visible in my own landscape – which is fine cause I’m most likely the only idiot out there in the middle of a downpour. -MW
My school colors are the same as yours, but our school may be very small.
A very good point Chris. Sigh. – MW
Might you use photoshop to replace the garish colors with more muted tones?
I will adjust brightness and contrast on a photo (just as I did in a darkroom a million years ago), but I don’t play around with juicing or altering photos except for fun. Partly because I really don’t enjoy it and partly because I’d rather take a better shot in the first place.
I believe that now there are apps that you can touch an offending object in a photo and remove it magically, but there is something incalculably lost in sharing images of moments that never really happened and disappearing moments that did. Perhaps this is a possible rant for another time, or for another GuestRanter that disagrees with my old fashioned take on it. – MW
We have sometimes toyed with the idea of asking people to visit the garden in colour themed clothing. That could be fun?
Not for the photographer then…..
Certainly fun if that was the object. Just for the record, when Charles wrestles you onto an airplane and you visit my garden someday, please ensure you wear the fabulous outfit you wore last week when I brought my tour to you. You get a free pass on the bold colors front, for if you stood still you could be a piece of installation art. xo MW
Thank you. Love the idea of becoming a piece of installation art!
I think I like that idea. Visitors as a mobile art installation in the garden? Go for it!
Think they’d play? Maybe we will…..
Good luck on this post! How about next time asking people to leave their phones in their car or at home so no phone ringing or loud talking would disturb others? Sigh. Another reason not to wear red or yellow in a garden is to avoid being stung by a bee! Bees are attracted to those two colours. I used to tell my students, “If you are allergic to bee stings, do not get a yellow or red bathing suit.|” Some people listen and some people don’t. There is no reasoning with those folks.
That’s not entirely accurate. Bees prefer blue, purple, violet, and yellow, generally in that order. They cannot see red. Bees do not have photoreceptors for the color red.
They can see some reddish wave-lengths like yellow or orange, but not red.
As a former beekeeper of many years in black bear country, I can tell you that bees see red as black. If you wear it around their hives, they are convinced you are a bear threatening their home and brood. Don’t be a bear!
Interesting. I’ll take your word for it as a professional beekeeper. However, that’s not what is stated in the scientific literature.
One of our local landscapers has great success designing “red gardens” for clients allergic to bees. The red flowers attract hummingbirds, but not bees. Might be a regional “thing”.
Oh, the honeybees are oblivious to red flowers in the garden. They don’t threaten their hives. It’s only if you come around their homes filled with honey and baby bees while wearing black or red that they take offense. It’s not a regional thing. I think it’s a great idea to use red flowers in a garden for allergic people.
Great piece. But did your visit to us not impress on you that Black is the colour that visitors should wear if they were being the most sympathetic to the garden landscape. Greens are invariably horribly synthetic and browns too can look wrong. But black will clash with nothing and think how many garden colours would look great against that black cape.
LOL. Maybe you could arrange to come early when there are no visitors. Maybe you could bring someone with you who pleasantly asks the offenders to step aside for a few minutes. Give your helper a sign so they look official.
Great post – have to say it has never occurred to me to take into account my impact on environment aesthetic – until now that is! In my defence, I am an extrovert and look out to the world and it just does not occur to me that others might see me as part of the landscape. And while I notice others intruding on my photography attempts I have never paid attention to their attire. Perhaps they were all wearing muted attire.
On a similar note – why do garden tools come in muted tones of brown and green?! (I suppose it is obvious- so that we gardeners might lose them more easily, requiring their replacement). Would love a bright yellow or hot pink wheelbarrow – and yes it IS easy to lose a green wheelbarrow. Perhaps tour guides prefer their garden tourists to wear bright coloured parkas so that they are easy to find and to herd back onto the bus.
Very easy to change the color of things in photo editing software.
It’s not always the case but I often find it difficult to even find outdoor gear in muted colors. Clothing companies seem to think that all women want to wear pink, pale blue, and yellow raincoats. I want black or sage green that blends in and doesn’t show the dirt as much.
I’ve had great luck getting neutral colors from Columbia Sportswear, and getting REI-brand things. They’re also good for a variety of sizes, not just super tall and willowy types.
I thought I was the only one who felt this way, and I’m not even a photographer. I’m just lightly annoyed when walking through a beautiful garden and seeing people wearing jarring clothing.
If you’re ever in the SF Bay Area, you’d probably love Filoli. Probably because it is the only properly “fancy” garden here (with entrance prices to match) and going is a real event, people tend to dress for the occasion. Almost all women wear sundresses of some sort, and the men tend to wear very neutral tones. Those who do not tend to dress in neutral hiking gear to enjoy the wild trails behind the estate. My friends and I go regularly and we always dress for the season because it’s part of the fun for us and many others.
There are often people in suits and ball gowns for graduation/prom/birthday photos, which is distracting, but in a joyful way. I love watching the 15-year-olds flounce around in their glittery quinceanera dresses among the flowers, they just add to the scenery!
My my my. So judgy. Can we all just get along, offensive personal flair and all? When on your deathbed, I imagine you may still be cursing those garish trespassers, and that saddens me. Unclench thine buttocks; your undies want a bit of freedom, M!