I believe we gardeners (home hobbyists, not including farmers or those teaching others to garden), are mostly alone when we garden. I’d love to cite some authority for this proposition but I can’t find any scholarly articles that address the question. Let’s assume for discussion, however, that it’s the norm.
Why do we garden alone?
After all, we’re social animals. Well, after coffee or tea we are. We certainly enjoy socializing with others, talking plants or engaging in club activities. But come time to wield the hoe or shovel . . . Poof! We are alone. Is that because we prefer to putter by ourselves in our piece of nature? My guess is that our self-imposed isolation is tied to why we enjoy gardening in the first place.
The Meditative State
For example, I find sanctuary when I am outside gardening. The repetitive tasks of planting, weeding, or mowing allow me to turn my brain chatter off. I come inside bone-tired but mentally refreshed.
Achieving this mind-blanking peace isn’t really possible whilst working alongside a friend or spouse. Socialization or coordinated planting require some level of active mental and/or vocal effort.
However, our brains, when confronted with unvarying stimuli like hoeing a row, simply turn off. This resembles meditation that’s often begun with repetitive chants, like “Om.” Or a meditative state can be induced by focusing on one specific thing, like your breathing.
Neuro-scientists say that meditative states reduce the emotional reactivity of the portion of our brain called the amygdala. That’s a fancy way of saying a peaceful state is achieved. This is pretty much what happens for me when pulling chickweed from my garden beds, or planting perennials with which I’m familiar. (Dig, dig, plant; backfill. Rinse, lather, repeat). I don’t have to consciously think about it . . . I just do it.
Da Missus reports the same type of mental relaxation whilst engaged in her knitting. She reminds me, though, that sometimes the pattern is complex and demands her active concentration: no meditative state is possible.
Meditative States Not for Everyone or Everywhere
The same sometimes applies to us in the garden. I really have to concentrate when selectively pruning branches on my Japanese Maples. Do-overs are not possible for snips that turn out to be too aggressive.
This leads me to another qualification concerning meditative enjoyment in our gardens – that it might not apply to beginning gardeners. I don’t know about you, but I was in a constant state of uncertainty about everything at the start.
Thankfully, it gets better as we learn. Take heart, new gardeners! You will find peace in your solitary deadheading and bug-picking once you realize that few mistakes have permanent consequences.
Other Reasons we Garden
Creative Control. There are likely several aspects of gardening that give you pleasure or fulfillment (and tomatoes). For instance, there’s the creative process of designing and putting in a garden border. But that’s not a pleasure that can be shared easily.
By analogy, when working in oils or watercolor, it’s not practical to have more than one painter painting a picture. In creating gardens, we plot, plant and hoe alone.
Editorial integrity, however, prompts me to note that the Missus helps me by pointing out where a naturalistic concrete bunny would look nice. Even so, she leaves it to me to make decisions regarding the what and where of plants.
Deciding for yourself is a pleasure . . . having sole dominion over something is gratifying and rare (ignoring Mother Nature’s trickery for the moment).
Achieving a Goal. The foregoing are internal reasons we garden. There are also external and concrete objectives involved sometimes, e.g., planting a wind barrier of trees or painting a fence black. (Shout-out to Marianne!) Type A people may be particularly attracted to concrete goals.
Still, the pursuit may be the same . . . that is, being alone while building, painting, or fertilizing. Achieving a self-assigned goal can be more satisfying if it’s accomplished yourself rather than with others.
Some Pleasures are Shared
This is not to say that enjoying the garden itself need be a solitary pursuit. Friends, partners, or family members can then be welcomed to share with you the pleasure of place.
So, we return to the question: Do you putter about with your trowel all alone in the garden? Do tell.
I garden for myself alone. My family is supportive, but not very interested. Rarely do they visit the garden, expect when I need that extra pair of hands. Teenagers and busy spouses have other things to occupy them. But it is my sanctuary, where I hide from the world. The thicker it becomes, the more the birds and I are shielded from the busy street.
I live alone so I garden alone. I suspect I’m not the only one.
I also garden alone, though married, and while my spouse says he is impressed he rarely goes around back to look at it. It is really mine to mostly enjoy alone too, that that is ok. Something I am thinking about today, as a tree fell yesterday and wiped out a fence and a good portion of the garden, is that we also tend to grieve our gardens alone when something unfortunate happens. Maybe just like the grief in the rest of our lives, actually.
Wonderful “rant” and hits home! My husband and I are both retired so we do most things together, except gardening. It is my respite.
Everything in this post is on point for me. Creative expression and a meditative state are exactly why I garden. There are other fulfilling aspects too but these are primary. I prefer to garden alone as having company is distracting and the process suffers. The meditative aspect of gardening helps me cope with less pleasant aspects of life.
“I garden alone, and when I garden I prefer to be by myself”, to paraphrase George Thorogood’s drinking song. But I like to do most things by myself. Retirement is going to be rough.
Good rant.
Exactly, Christine. The meditative aspect of our favorite hobby is such a blessing to me. As for gardening solo, it’s the best way. No distractions except for the natural ones.
Thank you John Moore for this excellent, thoughtful piece. Every point is spot-on. The meditative aspect is just an extra plus, actually a blessing to me.
Sign me,
Happily solo in Denver,
Diane
Interesting discussion. I suppose I’m a hybrid. When I’m on my turf, I garden solo and I prefer it that way until there is something that requires more muscle than I can muster. Working/volunteering in other private/public gardens, I prefer gardening with companions-I look at gardening with others as “parallel play.” Outside of my personal gardens, I appreciate camaraderie of fellow gardeners. Also, this vastly widens the number of gardens I can play in. No matter where I am or who I’m with, so long as I’m in a garden, I know I’ll find the green zone of hyperfocus and dopamine rush that makes gardening so addictive for me.
Jenny, probably most of us seek help (and company) like you for the heavy lifts. Your insight about helping in others’ gardens is a good addition. ‘Parrallel play” is the perfect descriptor!
And to others commenting: Thank you for coming out to play (and your kind words).
I enjoy visiting gardens with others, but when it comes to the act of gardening, I am with you, John Moore. Working in the garden alone is how I prefer it. Every once in awhile, I summon the other members of my household to come outside and admire my work. Sometimes they are genuinely impressed and sometimes they humor me. It’s all good.
I garden alone. I prefer it. It’s an opportunity to spend time with the plants and insects. My younger kiddo will offer assistance and I gladly accept their interest. The whole family enjoys the fruits of my labors. I even prefer to garden alone at the resource garden where I volunteer my time.
I garden both alone and with others: at home mostly alone, but I volunteer at a community vegetable garden and I teach gardening and I work at a nursery. At home, my husband’s interest is primarily mowing the lawn which I would not enjoy doing, and occasionally comments on plants, mostly complimentary. So it works very well! As a garden designer by profession I encounter many couples who fight over the garden, some who divide it by areas of interest (one likes vegetables, one does all the flower gardening for example), and some in which one likes and does it all and the other ignores it all.
I, too, very much enjoy my alone time in the garden. It is very theraputic and I find myself talking to God a great deal while I’m out there digging and weeding and planting and harvesting and mowing … it does indeed bring one a great sense of peace. That being said, I do so enjoy my time as a Master Gardening working alongside my fellow MGs, and helping/teaching those who are just beginning to garden or volunteering at a public garden where I’m able to interact with not only other gardeners but visitors as well. I suppose, all around, it’s a win-win !!!!
Yes. I love my alone quiet time in the garden. I often find myself stilled, just watching and listening to the garden and the visitors or planning the next phase. I sometimes wish I had an extra pair of hands and a younger back. You are on point for me the creative control fills a need. And when I can’t garden I paint. Thank you for sharing.
I would like to see a column on the social rules of gardening: what is considered bad manners? what offenses are unforgivable? such as generously giving a favorite plant and discovering the recipient threw it away; or stepping into a flower bed without the owners consent; how do you make gardening friends in advanced age? or any age? is it necessary to join clubs (dreaded by us loners)? how to deal with garden snobs who brag about their “collections”; and look down on your lowly marigolds and zinnias;
how to deal with neighbors who claim your flowers make them allergic? when is sharing of plants/tools/ideas appropriate and when not appropriate? is posting a sign such as “no pesticides” a political act? when are native plants considered weeds?
Firstly sir, several advertisements unabashedly interrupting your noteworthy rant were for sagging underarms and getting rid of post menopausal belly fat…It made this entire experience that much more applicable, noteworthy and fun to read!…Who is Sally Blanton and can I give her the biggest “how dee do” ever….hilarious…You are excellent….To stay on task, I will answer the main question about gardening alone…(only because my battery is low on my ipad)..For me, alone is preferable when concentrating on the details. Seeds planted at the proper depth for example or weeding in a bed where the wanted and the unwanted are not exactly clear or apparent ….some wild aster seedlings come to mind…and yes I do want them all thank you very much haha…BUT I do appreciate help from burly men for moving logs or rocks or pushing wheelbarrows of moldy wet straw bales or clay….
I am not usually receptive to comments suggestions or criticism because I know more than anyone within a 10 mile radius of here But am willing to allow additions to the garden for at least 24 hours….(until I think about where I would really like to put it)….
John Moore, I agree completely. I gardened alone for years through marriage and widowhood, enjoying all the benefits you mentioned. Now I am struggling with sharing. My style is more formal than my free-form mate. He places plants where he thinks they will flourish. An admirable trait. Yet it’s so hard to zip my lip when the best place for an orange abutilon is next to a lavatera, offending my design and color sense.
Does anyone know if Allen Bush and his garden are ok? He’s the only soul I know of that lives in KY, but my heart goes out to everyone there. Mr. Bush, let us hear from you.
They are out of state visiting their daughter & her family in coastal Washington state for the week. The floods are pretty far to their east. Nice of you to ask, thanks.
Scientists have discovered that the mycobacterium found in soil can improve brain functions while boosting moods. The mycobacterium vaccae found in the soil increases serotonin produced in the brain, which is also known as the happy chemical. After I introduced myself to gardening my attention to the immediate tasks and details of gardening increased. And it reduced negative thoughts and feelings and now I feel better at the moment.
Oh yes, I garden alone. It’s a place where I don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion or permission to do what I want. It’s all mine! And I always tell people it’s my therapy and you have really explained that.
When I was still teaching, I would come home, change out of my teacher clothes and sit on the edge of my vegetable garden for my “dirt therapy” session. I could ponder the wonders or problems of the moment and forget about the rest of the world for a while. Now that I’m retired, I find that I still revel in the time alone to plant, weed, harvest, or just breathe.
Agsista, you raise an interesting point. That is, when working, (not yet retired), we use the garden to escpe our work stresses . . . and we tend to think of it as an “escape”. But, as you point out, in retirement, when we, hopefully, have far fewer streses, the garden STILL provies peace. Gardening is not just an “escape”. It seems to be a positive channel of peace regardless of the context of our lives.
The most peaceful rant ever! Love my husband- love that he loves golf and the garden is all mine. And the bone-tired but mentally refreshed thing happens almost every time I am out there. Nothing better. Thank you for these thoughts!
I love pulling chickweed. Alone. And sometimes I dream about chickweed afterward, in vivid green with dewdrops.
I don’t know whether to indulge in mutual admiration; or to send condolences.
Wonderful column John. Meditative, repetitive, focused, creative, exhausted but happy and thanks as well to the ‘parallel play’ concept from Jenny. I will be sharing this Rant
I come to the garden alone; my husband mows the minuscule lawn and does heavy lifting and digging. I feel peaceful in the oasis I’ve “created.” I love to talk with others about gardening, but I putter alone.
“I love to talk with others about gardening, but I putter alone.”
Amen!
My garden is the one place on Earth where what I say goes. (What the sun, sky, birds, insects and rabbits do being excepted, of course.)
love this rant and the comments!. They are so descriptive of my garden experience. I love gardening alone, so I can putter, flit, follow a list or get lost in an unexpected project. I have support for the items that need built, lifted, moved or mowed. The rest is all mine. I do get a few “wow’s” when I point out to hubby something that is amazing me!
I loved reading this rant, John. I started gardening at 32 years and am now 78 yrs old., so 46 years of joy. Everywhere I moved, I started a garden, grew plants from seeds, dug up bits of roadside plants to bring home. Everyone I dated, or befriended, I put in a small garden for them to enjoy… with my pony tiller. I found a job, teaching gardening to those living in institutional places… prisons, nursing homes, group care homes, hospitals and on. I wanted to share the joy, freedom and sensory delights and connection with life that I found in the garden. Thank you for writing your rant!
I like gardening alone but even more – making all the decisions on my own. I would hate to have to compromise with anyone on what to plant in my garden and where. Couples I’ve known solve that by dividing up the property into his and hers, or whatever genders are involved.
You’re absolutely right…gardening alone is best. Actually I don’t know any couple that share a garden. Mostly the gardener does the work and the partner/husband/friend compliments the gardener. I think it’s like any other strong interest; we do it to figure what we’re doing and it has calming effect on everyone. Thank you for bringing the meditation part into it…I benefit from that too.
I generally avoid gardening. But I also avoid gardening when anyone else is around and had thought this was just due to my assumption that people would think I was doing it wrong. Which in most people’s eyes, I do.
But we have sometimes, Charles and I, found great satisfaction in tackling jobs together. Perhaps because that has involved things like levering our buried boulders (not most people’s notion of ‘gardening’ perhaps.)
But designing, planning and planting are all quite different activities and consultation may be vital for those activities.
I have never understood those people, not uncommon in the UK, who can open their gardens every day and chat to all comers. There’s a nightmare!
Terrific Rant John – or rather, gentle thoughts. 🙂 I’m one of those odd people who adores working with another person in the garden or on projects. Though jokes and conversation is appreciated, I don’t have a need for chatter, just two people working quietly towards an end goal. This is perhaps because it’s something I rarely experience — coercion doesn’t count. Feeds my soul when it happens. – MW