A Cavalcade of Kaleidoscopic Caladiums
My first exposure to caladiums was a memorable one. I was not yet into horticulture. It was the 80s. I was working in an office in downtown Cincinnati and sometimes [...]
Scott Beuerlein
Inadequacy, Front, Center, and Heading Off in a General Direction: A Letter from the Midwest
My God! I hate myself. I swear I used to be cool, like the dude in a Fistful of Dollars. Now I’m just Clint Eastwood.
The Fine Difference Between Gardening When You Want To Versus When You Have To
This was a big summer for me. A huge summer. I had a blow out garden dinner party with a bunch of illustrious horticultural guests scheduled for the end of [...]
Does Absence Make the Heart Grow Fonder? A Letter From The Midwest.
We've been together so much the last two weeks that it's changed everything. We've hung out together here and there before but never with so much quality time. I really feel like I know you so much better now. Although I'm trying very hard not to trust it, all this exposure has not meant I like you any less. This is not at all what I expected.
Grinding Out Another Horror Show Project in, Turns Out, My “Yew” Garden: A Letter From The Midwest.
Part of why the project is so horrible is because much of the point of it is to take space that was already too full of junk and make it capable of holding even more junk. Junk had to be move out of the way, only to be in the way of the next task, and then the next.
After Too Many Years, A Father and Son’s First North American Rock Garden Conference
First off, "Annual General Meeting" is simply an incomprehensibly underwhelming name for what the event actually is. NARGS must change this, because it sounds like a meeting made up of more meetings. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The Path Forward: The Perfectly Imperfect Lawn
My perfectly imperfect lawn is remarkably vigorous, healthy, very green, and yet has quite a bit of diversity to it. Why does it have to be any better than that?
Muddy March Gardens, Flagrant Power Tool Violations, Heresy, Arson, & More: A [Belated] Letter from The Midwest
After returning home, I went into a power tool-fired, panic-driven, spring cleanup, trying desperately to wipe ugly out of my garden but, truth is, only some of what I did made anything look even slightly better. The real cure for March is April, and the cure for April is May. Anyway, I went into a string-trimming frenzy, slashing back sedges, grasses, perennials and slinging dirt, sticks, gravel, plant labels, cigarette butts, beer cans, and whatever else all over creation anywhere I went. I consider myself kind of a performance artist when it comes to using a string trimmer. And a pretty innovative one at that. A lot of what I do with it would show up very prominently in the DO NOT section of the operating manual if manual writers had anything like the imagination I've got.
Confronting Humor and a Lack of it from Every Angle: A Letter from The Midwest
And dark and mysterious people like me hate being called “affable.” In fact, even affable people even hate being called “affable.” Which, I’m certain you knew. And why you said it. And, guess what, I forgive you. Yes, I forgive you. Because sometimes you’re a good person.
Dynamic Horticultural Group Exposed! Secrets to Success Revealed!
I think you can have a really great club or society that requires at least some rules of order, but if you’re going to pry young and/or young at heart people out of their busy lives to spend time at a meeting, you had better also give them a bona fide “night out.”
Twenty Overused Plants
Boxwoods: The plant you turn to when you’re out of other desperate and have no other options. Maybe in the next life there will be another choice for deer-proof, shade tolerant, evergreen, can grow anywhere, can be shaped like anything, smells like cat pee.
Buy This Book or Kevin the Canna Dies!
It’s comprehensive, quirky, effective, funny, fun, and a worthy addition to the library of any gardener who wants to grow tropical plants. More than that, it should be required reading for idiot gardeners like me who need to be goaded into trying them.